Inner and Outer Clock in Grief / Mourning

......So it’s 8 months since I lost my husband, it will be exactly one year in November that he died (an anniversary of sorts) and my life has changed forever.
I asked Bill “How much time is needed for me to “get on with my life” like friends and family were telling me to.” Eight months seemed like enough time to them and I was thinking (like so many times before) that something was wrong with me.”
Bill shared the following about two kinds of time….

“Your Outer and Inner Clock”


Outer time is dictated by a clock or a calendar. No one can control it and it is the time most people live and judge you by when you are grieving…. It just happens…. minutes become hours; hours become days; days become months and months turn into years.

He explained Inner time is my own internal clock and follows no rules. As we talked, I was able to better understand my grief and mourning…… It made sense to me.



"Each day my inner time moves in tiny, slow moving, and often painful steps. Each morning as I wake and reach to touch my loved one where he slept, my inner clock gives me a quick (punch) reminder about the day I am to face. It is like I’ve been sentenced to spend the rest of my life in this realm of numbness. Half awake and half in a dream like state where nothing is familiar any more; nothing seems real.  No energy to clean house; venture out or initiate conversations.My inner clock also decides what emotions I will have; when I will have them; how long they will last and how my mind & body will react.In a crowd or alone; walking or driving; listening to music or reading a book; all these things can trigger my inner clock into alarm and set off a series of emotional outbursts or a sense of deep loneliness / feeling of despair. These feelings pass but I just never know when they will return…… but return they do. 
The frequency and the depth of pain has diminished with the passing of Outer time. I’ve learned to navigate these moments but they will always be just around the corner.


My inner clock also holds the wonderful memories of my life with my loved one. These moments will sustain me for the rest of my life. Where once I could not say his name without uncontrollable tears; now I go through photo albums, tell stories, even share his jokes with others. My inner clock by virtue of making me feel pain, can help me heal, so I now have the strength and courage to face this new reality and find direction in creating my new life."

Your journey is yours. There are no rules, no set time limits, no right / wrong ways to grieve. Your Inner Clock is setting the pace, so be true to you and do what is right for your soul to heal.





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