Legacy Activities for families

Legacy activities are a meaningful way for families to
share moments together when someone in the family
is with an advanced illness.

• Create a scrapbook with pictures/keepsakes related to a time in their life

• Create a photo album of favourite photos with accompanying captions

• Compile a binder of favourite recipes

• Compile a collection of favourite songs or hymns

• Create a quilt made out of favorite T-shirts or other fabric items

• Hand-prints of you and/or your loved ones in plaster or on paper

• Write cards for a future birthday, holiday or special occasion

• Write a poem or a song created specifically for your loved one(s)

• Plant a tree

• Book of ME – write a letter/story to your family that shares your values, 

         beliefs,  accomplishments, life lessons, etc.

Adapted from

Hospice of Waterloo Region

Newsletter

http://www.hospicewaterloo.ca/resources/legacy-activities/

Loss, Grief & Rebuilding the box that holds your life

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member, adjusting to a new and different life, is one of the hardest challenges any of us will have to conquer. When we lose a spouse, sibling, child or parent our life as we knew it is placed in a box and shaken vigorously. Nothing makes sense anymore and we go through days half awake and half in a fog. It now becomes our task to put the box (our life) back together.... but how? 

Death is accepted as a natural part of life, (until it is one of our love ones who died). Then we do not accept it; understand it or know how to "get over it". We experience shock and confusion, sadness or even depression. 

Grieving is an important process that will at times be unbearably painful..... but it is grief that also helps us heal and reorder our life.... We start to rearrange our box, we begin to do more than exist, we start to live again. It may take months or years to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Grief knows no timeline, it comes when it wants and stays as long as it chooses to.

In time we will all experience loss, grieve  and then continue on with our own lives. People are more resilient than they realize and can often cope with support from family and friends. Grief is sometimes the catalyst for a renewed sense of self and can offer purpose and direction to life. But some people struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel lost at carrying out their daily activities. Some will experience complicated grief and could benefit from the help of a person who specializes in grief counselling. 

Rebuilding the box that holds your life    

Talk about your loved one. At first you may not be able to say his/her name without chocking or tears, but in time you can recall funny moments, old jokes, special events and  tender memories.

Accept your feelings.  YOU ARE NORMAL! It is painful to have someone you love die.  You are not going crazy; you are not losing it; this is grief healing you.

Take care of yourself and your family.  Make time for outings, board games or meals together (with no electronics); one-on-one walks, or gym time. Being together is one of the best ways to keep moving forward. 

Reach out and help others dealing with the loss. Remember and celebrate the life of your loved one.Your loved one lived. Celebrate and honour their life by remembering anniversaries; special times of the year, holidays; helping out their favourite charity; telling their story or just looking at pictures from time to time. Remembering them is the price of loving them; It is also the reward.

Others can help (let them)
Grieving individuals look for answers to help come to terms with death. Here are some thoughts on moving forward.

Remember others are grieving too. You can find normalcy in your grief by sharing with others and they sharing with you. Children grieve too, so do not forget to help them better understand what has and is happening.Professionals are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss, consult with a counselor or other professional who specializes in Grief / Bereavement.
 

Inner and Outer Clock in Grief / Mourning

......So it’s 8 months since I lost my husband, it will be exactly one year in November that he died (an anniversary of sorts) and my life has changed forever.
I asked Bill “How much time is needed for me to “get on with my life” like friends and family were telling me to.” Eight months seemed like enough time to them and I was thinking (like so many times before) that something was wrong with me.”
Bill shared the following about two kinds of time….

“Your Outer and Inner Clock”


Outer time is dictated by a clock or a calendar. No one can control it and it is the time most people live and judge you by when you are grieving…. It just happens…. minutes become hours; hours become days; days become months and months turn into years.

He explained Inner time is my own internal clock and follows no rules. As we talked, I was able to better understand my grief and mourning…… It made sense to me.



"Each day my inner time moves in tiny, slow moving, and often painful steps. Each morning as I wake and reach to touch my loved one where he slept, my inner clock gives me a quick (punch) reminder about the day I am to face. It is like I’ve been sentenced to spend the rest of my life in this realm of numbness. Half awake and half in a dream like state where nothing is familiar any more; nothing seems real.  No energy to clean house; venture out or initiate conversations.My inner clock also decides what emotions I will have; when I will have them; how long they will last and how my mind & body will react.In a crowd or alone; walking or driving; listening to music or reading a book; all these things can trigger my inner clock into alarm and set off a series of emotional outbursts or a sense of deep loneliness / feeling of despair. These feelings pass but I just never know when they will return…… but return they do. 
The frequency and the depth of pain has diminished with the passing of Outer time. I’ve learned to navigate these moments but they will always be just around the corner.


My inner clock also holds the wonderful memories of my life with my loved one. These moments will sustain me for the rest of my life. Where once I could not say his name without uncontrollable tears; now I go through photo albums, tell stories, even share his jokes with others. My inner clock by virtue of making me feel pain, can help me heal, so I now have the strength and courage to face this new reality and find direction in creating my new life."

Your journey is yours. There are no rules, no set time limits, no right / wrong ways to grieve. Your Inner Clock is setting the pace, so be true to you and do what is right for your soul to heal.





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