The Journey to Recovery

"Grief triggers are everywhere – you will see things that remind you of your loved one all over the place, and it may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion."

The following are observations around death and the journey to recovery for family members and friends.

At first the grief is unbearable and out-of-control. Few survivors believe their life will ever be returning to any form of “normal”. The initial shock creates a numbness where the survivors do function but are not really "present" as they go through their daily tasks.

No two people grieve alike. At some point in their grief journey most people do find a way through their sorrow to become in control once again of their life.   No two people grieve alike. Finding peace unfolds at different times and to a different level, but all find their life has changed forever and they can "carry on".

"Am I going crazy!?!" At the beginning of their grief journey many grievers do think they are going crazy. Some people hear voices or see visions; others find themselves attached to odd objects like coins or mysterious happenings which they believe is communication from the person who died.

 Long-term friendships can change (some end) because of poor if any communication. If a person has not dealt with their own grief it is very difficult for them to understand yours.

People who were once emotionally strong suddenly cry at unexpected times or in unexpected places such as shopping malls, restaurants, or places of work. Survivors can feel embarrassed, guilty, edgy, withdrawn, anti-social or angry.
Sometimes they feel a mixture of many of these emotions happening at the same time. They might act in ways totally different than they have ever acted. These are some of the reasons why they feel they are going crazy; they have lost their ability to control their actions, emotions or behaviour.

A timetable for grieving does not exist, nor is there a proper way to grieve. There is a basic path, but each person finds his or her own way to travel through their grief journey. One truth however is that grief takes much longer than outsiders think it should. Relatives and co-workers can tend to get impatient with the bereaved for grieving past a magic number like three-months or one year.

You can help the griever with patience in listening, sharing of your time and by understanding this is their journey, not yours. Often the most valued gifts you can give to a griever is a willingness to listen, a willingness to talk about their loved one and give lots of "hugs".

Bill Robson C.A.E., ATM gained his experience in grief as a

• Grief Counselor
• Distress Telephone Centre Trainer  
• Hospice Volunteer
• Group Facilitator, Bereavement
• Youth & Family Counseling