Friends, this is My Wish List

Friends, this is

My Wish List


1. I wish you hadn't died. I wish I had you back.

2. I wish others wouldn't be afraid to speak your name. You lived and were very important to me. I need to hear that you were important to others as well. 

3. I wish you to speak freely of my loved one and please do not take photos or other remembrances from your home when I visit. 

4. If I cry and get emotional when we talk about my loved one, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me.  Death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my love one, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. 

5. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my loved one again by never talking about him/her. I love remembering the good times and they are a part of my healing.

6. Being bereaved is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever. 

7. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my favorite topic of  the day, my loved one. 

8. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that this death pains you, too.

9. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over.  I will be changed from this death until the day I die. 

10. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never "be over it".

11. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy“ or to “get over it”. These will not happen for a very long time (if ever) so don't frustrate yourself by trying to rescue me.

12. I don't want a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal. I will always miss my loved one, and I will always grieve this loss.

13. I wish you understood how my life was shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you. 

14. When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily. 

15. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal.

16. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle this “one hour” at a time.

17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. A big part of me died as well. I am not the same person I was before, and I will never be that person again. 

18. Please understand that during the day I can keep busy. But at night the pain and grief is unbearable. A call or a visit at night is priceless.

I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug. 

19 I am not going crazy. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky. 

20. I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. I pray daily that you will never have to understand.

 I value our friendship and do not want to loss you too.  Just be yourself around me… 

it’s O.K..

P.S.  I love you for caring, for being you…

          Thank You.  (Hugs)

There are resources in most communities, a note to myself and I will do some homework, sending you the information. You can also seek out your local volunteer bureau for a list of organizations.

The hardest step in regaining the sense of control is to ask for assistance. 

This is not a weakness, it is a strength.

Bill Robson C.A.E., ATM gained his experience in grief as a

• Grief Counselor
• Distress Telephone Centre Trainer  
• Hospice Volunteer
• Group Facilitator, Bereavement
• Youth & Family Counseling