Loss, Grief & Rebuilding the box that holds your life

Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member, adjusting to a new and different life, is one of the hardest challenges any of us will have to conquer. When we lose a spouse, sibling, child or parent our life as we knew it is placed in a box and shaken vigorously. Nothing makes sense anymore and we go through days half awake and half in a fog. It now becomes our task to put the box (our life) back together.... but how? 

Death is accepted as a natural part of life, (until it is one of our love ones who died). Then we do not accept it; understand it or know how to "get over it". We experience shock and confusion, sadness or even depression. 

Grieving is an important process that will at times be unbearably painful..... but it is grief that also helps us heal and reorder our life.... We start to rearrange our box, we begin to do more than exist, we start to live again. It may take months or years to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Grief knows no timeline, it comes when it wants and stays as long as it chooses to.

In time we will all experience loss, grieve  and then continue on with our own lives. People are more resilient than they realize and can often cope with support from family and friends. Grief is sometimes the catalyst for a renewed sense of self and can offer purpose and direction to life. But some people struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel lost at carrying out their daily activities. Some will experience complicated grief and could benefit from the help of a person who specializes in grief counselling. 

Rebuilding the box that holds your life    

Talk about your loved one. At first you may not be able to say his/her name without chocking or tears, but in time you can recall funny moments, old jokes, special events and  tender memories.

Accept your feelings.  YOU ARE NORMAL! It is painful to have someone you love die.  You are not going crazy; you are not losing it; this is grief healing you.

Take care of yourself and your family.  Make time for outings, board games or meals together (with no electronics); one-on-one walks, or gym time. Being together is one of the best ways to keep moving forward. 

Reach out and help others dealing with the loss. Remember and celebrate the life of your loved one.Your loved one lived. Celebrate and honour their life by remembering anniversaries; special times of the year, holidays; helping out their favourite charity; telling their story or just looking at pictures from time to time. Remembering them is the price of loving them; It is also the reward.

Others can help (let them)
Grieving individuals look for answers to help come to terms with death. Here are some thoughts on moving forward.

Remember others are grieving too. You can find normalcy in your grief by sharing with others and they sharing with you. Children grieve too, so do not forget to help them better understand what has and is happening.Professionals are trained to help people better handle the fear, guilt or anxiety that can be associated with the death of a loved one. If you need help dealing with your grief or managing a loss, consult with a counselor or other professional who specializes in Grief / Bereavement.