“I’m sorry to tell you…you have cancer.”

Picture yourself on a roller-coaster… you are on top of the biggest drop ever and as you begin to fall you feel your stomach sink; your body tightens or you start shaking and your mind (or mouth) starts yelling “Nooooo!”. You truly feel “this is it, I’m done!”.

Now take this pictured experience; (X’s these feelings by 100 or more) Now you have a little better understanding of the shock, disbelief and fear when a family member or friend learns they have been diagnosed with cancer.... When their doctor says….

“I’m sorry to tell you, you have cancer.”

When cancer is their diagnosis, the person is overwhelmed, numb and frightened. Their mind flashes to all the people they new who did not survive their cancer…. Questions rush through such as “Do I tell my family I have cancer?” (Family, friends, my employer). “If yes, when and how do I tell them?” “How will my family survive without me?”

Medical advancements in the fight against cancer have improved in leaps & bounds over the last ten years and more.  Today many people are treated and survive their diagnosis.  It can be a very rough road, but a cancer diagnosis does not have to mean the end of their life. 

There are so many moving stories of young people going through the fight of their lives and somehow through the power of love, hope, healing and medicine they make it through to the other side.  This is the story of Chloe and I don’t think you’ll have too many words after you hear it.  You may cry a lot of tears of joy however.

This is truly moving stuff…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4WwcGq91VQ

It DOES MEAN they are in for a roller-coaster ride like no other; it means they will need many people to give them strength and help as they travel this very scary journey…..

YOU can be one of these “Helpers”. Even with no medical training or experience you too can assist your family member or friend as they travel their journey with cancer.

Here are some suggestions on how you can be of great assistance doing small tasks.

 Most of us have no idea how to ask for help. Men (as an example) find it hard to ask for directions when lost on a road trip, let alone ask for “help” because they are battling cancer.  They wouldn't even know what to ask for or how or who.

Many people will make vague offers. “Just let me know if I can help in anyway.” (They won't be called). Pride, ego, they don’t want to bother you, or are afraid it will be seen as a weakness…. They just won’t call and ask for help.

To help your friend and make their life easier, give tangible, much-needed specific support.  Don’t ask a question, make it a statement,..

“I will be over Saturday to cut the grass.”

“I will pick you up at 10:00 sharp and drive you to your Chemo appointment.”

“I’m bringing dinner over tomorrow night and we’ll eat together. Any food allergies?”

Additional ways to help make their life easier….

Deliver several pre-made meals. Place them in Freezer-bags so there is nothing to return to you after their use.

Send a quick email, text, or message saying you're thinking of them.

Place "No need to respond" at the end of your email or phone message -- they'll appreciate hearing from you without feeling the need to do anything in return.

• Take them shopping or do it for them. Ask for their list and what store(s) they prefer.
• Take time to visit and while there put a load of laundry on; dust, do the dishes or vacuum.
• Offer to take them out for a coffee or lunch date.
• Offer to visit. Check that they're feeling up for it or incase there is already a scheduled visit from a DR. Home Visit Nurse or PSW.
• Offer to take them out to a movie. If too tired, suggest a TV show they like and visit at their home. You bring the popcorn.
• Offer a ride to chemo and keep them company during the treatment. 
• Let them know you're "on call" for emergencies. Do they have your home phone and cell numbers?   

• Fresh flowers can be an infection risk for some cancer patients with weakened immune systems. Be safe… no flowers.
• Order take-out for delivery, ask if there are dietary limitations and then order it to be delivered.
• Bring them a good book or magazine on a topic they like (Hobbies, Sports, Travel etc.).
•  Send a legible “Thinking of You card”. A common side effect of cancer is tired eyes.  
• You can offer to be a "Point Person" screening callers and visitors.  Right after a diagnosis there are many calls with offers to help, but the person with cancer may be overwhelmed and may prefer some quiet space.

Remember to still be there after the diagnosis, when it's not so new anymore. The calls and offers will have died down, but your special someone is still struggling and needing concrete and emotional help.

• If they have a dog or cat, offer to come by and take it for a walk or to the groomers.
• If there are children offer to babysit, do a school pick-up, or have them over for a sleepover.
• Does your friend have a garden or lawn? Offer to come by and do some watering cutting / trimming and weeding.  
• When is garbage day? Come by and put it out…. Return and bring in the empty bins.

If you can, and your friend feels comfortable accepting it, give some cash… cancer can mean a huge financial hit. (Between hospital bills and the loss of income if they can't work.

• Buy a monthly parking pass for family members when the person has a prolonged hospitalization. Most hospital parking will provide a weekly or monthly pass for daily use.
• Help them buy a hat, wig, or scarf if they will lose their hair with treatment. If able, buy it for them.
• Be an awesome listener, don't give advice, don't try to be cheery; just listen and let the person talk. This is their journey not yours.
• Cancer isn't contagious so remember a hug is a powerful way of saying “I love you… I care!”