You won't add stress to those dying by saying "Hello!"..

Even Robin Williams had a serious side….

The reasons are many, excuses galore, but when you are dying people come to see you no more.

Then when you've died they gather to say “Hi!”, pay their respects and to you say good-bye.

For the caregiver and family they drop cards, meals and such,but after three months they don’t think of you much.

Those who did care will always be there, to share good-time memories

and help wish you were here.

Robin Williams was right. People, especially terminally ill people are often

shun by their “friends”. Not knowing what to say, or how to react, they

just stay away. So you’re surrounded by people but feel so alone.

You don’t add stress to those dying.

Visit and smile and talk about old times; play cards; listen to music together;

watch a movie on T.V.; read them the paper or a book. Bring them a gift.... Your Time.

An hour of your time allows their spouse to go shopping; have lunch with a friend;

or go home to take care of things needing done. Forever grateful for the break they have been given; and the love you've shown to their love one is priceless. Here are some pointers you may want to know.

 I wish others wouldn't be afraid to speak my name.  I need to hear that I was important to you. Our friendship has meaning.

Speak freely to my love one, ask questions and let him/her cry if they wish. Come and visit me so she/he can have a break. 

IF I get emotional when we talk, it isn't because you have hurt me.  Death is the cause of my tears. You have allowed me to share my grief. 
I thank you for that. 

I love remembering the good times and they are a part of who I am. 

My sickness is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever. 

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might say things I can't share with my spouse. Protecting him/her is still at the top of my wants; so I hold back my fears, pain or sorry and worry.

I know you think of and pray for me often. I know my dying pains you too.

I don't want a "pity party," but I do wish you would visit and share some time with me. It is a way for me to smile and to enjoy a diversion, even if just for a short time.

I wish you understood how my life was shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. So I'll try to show my better side.

When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily. 

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal.

I am not going crazy. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me if I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky when you visit..... It's not you, it's me. 

 I value our friendship and do not want to loss you before I die.  Just be yourself around me… it’s O.K..

P.S.  I love you for caring, for being you…and thanks for the visit!

  

  
        

NOTES:

There are resources in most communities, you can also seek out your local volunteer bureau for a list of organizations that can assist you in helping your friend.