My Grief Journey….. How Do I know I am moving forward?

My Grief Journey…..

How Do I know I am moving forward?

As you travel on a grief journey it is often difficult to know (or believe) you are moving forward. 

There is no magic Grief Measuring Tape, no timeline to follow or a special day when you wake up and say “I've arrived, the journey is over!”.

For some the journey never starts; others say it was after the third month that it really got tough; and for others they share how the second year of their loss was the hardest.

Since the grief journey knows no order you will have moments or days when you feel and believe nothing has changed. You are still at the beginning of the journey.  A song, a smell, a gathering or a special anniversary / celebration can hit you without warning in the most difficult situations. This is normal, you are not going crazy; you are not weak…. 

IT IS NORMAL; YOU ARE NORMAL!

To travel back to where you were before grief showed up uninvited will not take as long. You move back to your last step quickly and keep moving on from there.

With small steps, living each day as best you can, the time will come when you will be able to turn around and see that "yes, I have traveled along the grief journey, I am still on it, but I have moved forward."

Here are some signs to look for that say "you are progressing":

• You don’t cry, choke or feel weak at the mention of your loved one’s name.
• Tears don’t always appear when you think of your loved one, or see their picture.
• Memories more often bring comfort or a smile, not pain and tears.
• You make plans with others or on your own knowing they don’t include your loved one any more.
• You realize your life has changed. You are someone different than when your loved one was with you; and you are O.K. with that.
• You realize and accept that you are still living, although your love one is not.
• The cause of death isn’t the emphasis anymore.
• You know in your heart that even though your loved one died, the love between you can never be destroyed. It will live on forever as will your memories of them.
• When your love for them is what you remember most.
• You wonder how your loved one would have handled it if you had died first… and smile.

There are no rules to a grief journey. Each of us starts as a result of the death of a loved one…. There the similarities end. Our paths may cross at times (but this is not a spectator sport) and we must (each of us) give grief the time and energy it requires so we can move on and live. 

NOTES:

There are resources in most communities, you can also seek out your local volunteer bureau for a list of organizations that can assist you.