Coping with Grief at Family Celebrations

Dealing with grief during the Holidays and Special Events  

Grieving the death of a loved one is a deep and difficult challenge during any holiday season or special anniversary such as Birthdays, Wedding or actual day of death. It can jolt your senses back to your loss and cause renewed grieving. Family gatherings can be painful reminders that a loved one is not there to enjoy the occasion. For you these events can also be comforting times where you spend time with friends and family. It can be a time to remember happier memories and bring back a smile or two.

While holidays and family events can be painful reminders of a loved one; there are actions you can try (with others) to soften the negative and build on the positive of these gatherings.

There are no right or wrong ways to journey through your grief. 

You decide if you can share in any event honoring your loved one. You are not obligated to take part in anything if it doesn't feel right for you. Grieving takes time. Focus on getting through the day or event. Yesterday is over, tomorrow is not here as yet, so focus on this moment / today.

Acknowledge your emotions and feelings.

Everyone takes a different path in their grief journey. You cannot avoid sad feelings, accept they will be there; they will not last forever. At times you may be in tears; you may feel guilty that you are not enjoying a holiday or that you are spoiling it for others. How ever you’re feeling, know you are normal (not going crazy). Accept the feelings as they arrive and let them be. These feelings come and go, so you will have UP or/and DOWN moments. You might feel in control one second, then deeply saddened the next. You may feel joy and then feel guilty for enjoying it. Just be yourself, others will not judge you as you travel through your grief at your own pace.

During these occasions it is not your responsibly to be the “Good Host” or to rescue others.

Family and friends. 

Share your fears with loved ones. Be honest about how you would like to see things happen at this gathering.  (Say a prayer or make a statement before the celebration starts. Let others know it's OK for them to speak too. Light a candle in memory of your loved one so there is a feeling of their presence at the event.) Before the occasion, join a support group, receive comfort from your faith-community, or talk to a counselor for support. Stay in touch with others who are grieving. 

Children grieve too. 

Holidays place stress and emotional confusion on children as well as adults. Understand their needs. They too have to get through the holidays or family event. 

They may silently wonder why there "even is a festivity" when their parent / sibling / relative has died. Talk with them about your grief and their journey. 

Your greatest gift to a child is helping the child know they are normal. Often the more you share the more they will talk about how they feel.

Seek professional guidance if your child seems overly depressed or has several mood swings around the death of their loved one.

Don’t judge what they say; just listen and encourage them to talk and/or allow them to be emotional. You may find you become emotional together.

 “HUGS” are a powerful way to say “I care, I understand, I am with you on this. We'll go through it together."

Bill Robson C.A.E., ATM gained his experience in grief as a

• Grief Counselor
• Distress Telephone Centre Trainer  
• Hospice Volunteer
• Group Facilitator, Bereavement
• Youth & Family Counseling  

There are resources in most communities, send a quick note to myself and I will do some homework, sending you the information. You can also seek out your local Volunteer Bureau for a list of organizations.